I can be wishy-washy.

In my last post, I suggested that a relationship can be disposable, like a broken laptop that's too expensive to repair. Do I really believe this? I don't know. I can be wishy-washy.

What kind of blog post is this anyway? Aren't I supposed to give an opinion and try to persuade you to embrace my point of view?

Well, I guess I believe some relationships become toxic. We need to end these relationships, am I right?

Accept that what was once in bloom withered, perhaps revealing its true poisonous self. Or maybe things just ran their course. Nothing lasts.

According to Jung, my personality type is able to end relationships. Don't laugh. Once I make up my mind, I can do it. Ask any of my exes. We may be Facebook friends, but they are dead to me.

I joke that I have awful taste in men, but it's true. I always choose the wrong men. The wounded, the shiftless non-providers, the unable to commit, the co-dependent. Men who take advantage of my good nature.

Yes, male reader. This rant is about men I chose. It's not about All Men.

It was me, not them. Or it was them.

I don't think I've experienced requited love from a man. Nobody cared about my happiness as much as I cared about his.

This is why we need to be warriors for our own happiness.

Can men and women be friends after they have sex?

"Once my lover, now my friend. . ."

No. I don't think so. Probably not.

Written on iPod touch


Neil said...

I like the phrase "warriors for our own happiness." And shouldn't that be the case for everyone? At some point, even our children will go on to have their own lives, and we need to take care of ourselves.

But this post sounds a bit pessimistic about relationships. Why should you want anyone to be "dead to you?" You don't sound wishy washy at all, but very intense about your wants and not wants.

Avalonsguide said...

"So, can men and women be friends after they have sex? "Once my lover, now my friend. . ."

Yes and no. I am an aquaintance (via FB) with one and a Friend with another. One of those "relationships" could be called toxic (and thus shortlived). Oddly enough - the friendship that lasted was a friendship before we hooked up - and it is one that actually grew deeper because of that.

I imagine the key is in the Toxicity. If it's there - dump it. I have certainly dumped friends who were toxic - liars, betrayers: why would I want to keep them in my life? "Dead to me" pretty much covers it.


Juli said...

@Neil I don't want anyone or anything to be dead to me. Wouldn't it be great if everything lasted forever? Or maybe not.

Hilarity in Shoes said...

"I don't think I've ever experienced requited love from a lover. Nobody has cared about my happiness as much as I've cared about his."

Me too. Totally. But I think it's my fault and not theirs; I choose people like that so that my "need" to be rejected is met. Those old patterns die hard.

Jack said...

So, can men and women be friends after they have sex? "Once my lover, now my friend. . ."

It is not always easy, but possible.The question is whether you both want it are willing to do what it takes.

Suzy said...

Well I have the same lousy taste you have and CAN'T end them.

So how fucked am I?

Menzies said...

I find that friendships can grow out of once-sexual affairs, but that it takes some serious doing - and that, ironically, it has to be the kind of break where there is absolutely no hope of return. Atomically clean.

I say this because I'm of your same temperament, but I go down with sinking ships. I'm such a sucker for people who actually want to hang around with me that I'll attempt anything to salvage a relationship that's long gone sour. And right now I'm finding that while many times that patience is ultimately damaging, it can sometimes be rewarded.

Hang in there. We all do have to fight for our own happiness - no one else will do it for us.

Anonymous said...

"We may be Facebook friends, but they are dead to me."