In which I chat with the President and CEO of My Bank.

In this exciting new age we can publish our own op-eds. Each of us are important people with our own bully pulpits on the Internet. We have opportunities to speak out and be listened to on any matter.

We are such powerful influential people, and we have a right to think highly of ourselves. We are just like Dooce (whose series of op-eds about her washing machine brought a powerful company to its knees).

The other day I wrote a thoughtful post about recent changes at My Bank in America. (I still have a little money invested in America. Because I care.)

As I expected, I soon received a call on the phone. It was My Bank--the Office of the President and CEO. Now that’s priority customer service!

President & CEO: Hello, Ms. Ryan. This is Michelle G____ from the Office of the President and CEO of My Bank. I'm responding to a piece you published in a "social media outlet".

Me: Uh, thanks for taking the time to ring me, Madam President. Please call me Juli.

CEO: You are a valued customer. We do understand your concern about the account fee and the increased balance requirement.

Me: You do?

CEO: But we need to raise your fees as a result of the new banking regulations.

Me: Shouldn’t you tell me before you make changes to my account?

CEO: Yes, we should. If you had just looked at the fine print on your statement online.

Me: (contrite) I never look at my statements online. I just check my balance periodically. It isn’t easy to find my statements on your website.

CEO: Is there anything else?

Me: (after a pause) I found my statement. It says the minimum balance requirement won’t change.

CEO: Well, there is more fine print on a statement that is no longer available for viewing online.

Me: Wow. I’m so ashamed. If only I was better at managing my money.

CEO: On your statement is where we let you know about any changes to your account.

Me: I believe you! Why would you mislead me?

CEO: But I will waive the current service fees effective on the next business day.

Me: (tearful) Oh, thanks so much. I just wish I had known about these changes earlier. I could have saved even more money on fees. I mean, I know it’s not a lot of money to you. And banks need to make their money too.

CEO: Thank you for your kind appreciation. And thank you for choosing My Bank. We do appreciate you ignoring your statements. Not to mention the bailout.

Me: You're welcome. Have a great night!

Dooce got a new washing machine. I got My Bank to waive my service fees. Power to the people of the Internet!


From AA to NZ said...

Yay for you...although I'd rather have one of those big new front-loading washers...in red.

injaynesworld said...

My mom always taught me that "the squeaky wheel gets the grease." Good for you, Juli!

Juli said...

This was supposed to be satire. A real victory would be a reimbursement of these unfair service fees to all of the bank's customers.

Elizabeth said...

hee! Now I'm giggling at the comments. I thought it was satire. Subtle, though.

Cristin said...

I knew it was satire because a banker would NEVER say thank you for the bailout!!

Neil said...

Well, I guess Bank of America is no Maytag.

Sandra said...

My bank would have wrestled you to the ground and made you beg for mercy.
You go girl! I'm all about power to the people...especially considering my bank wrestles people to the ground and makes them beg for mercy.

Unknown said...

Woo hoo for you, gotta say the banks are sorta slimy arent they? Shouldnt they postpone the fee increase for everyone and properly announce it?

And yes Jayne is bang on with that whole squeaky whel thing!

jamie said...

Stupid bank fees and their stupid fine print. And their stupid excuses like raising fees because of "regulation." And their stupid "office of the CEO" to make you feel important. I'm sure these calls from the "office of the CEO" come from the same minimum-wage call centre as their normal customer services. It's all a scam to get your money. :(

About Last Weekend said...

Hilarious! Hi there, nice to meet you, Jody living in California here. Love your blog - what a great satirist. I used to consumer journalist in london and some of my interviews with higher ups in banks were frighteningly similar!

Avalon said...

I like your style :) I tend to get really snarky if anyone tells me "its in the small print" or "its in the terms and conditions". I tend to have go for an all-out rant :)

Madame DeFarge said...

I'd love my bank to speak to me. Preferably to talk big money at me.

CiCi said...

Great snarky writing. The banks have all the power, don't they?

Happy Frog and I said...

Just goes to show how powerful social media can be. Good for you. Thanks for your support as well, has meant a lot. Back to posting on Monday. :-)

Caffeinated Weka said...

Hi Juli
I was tagged in a Stylish blogger award, which required me to tag 15 other bloggers and award them the same award, then request they join in the post. I picked you, as one of my bloggers. Here's my post: