How do I find out who unfriended me on Facebook?

Every day, people visit Wellington Road after googling this important question:
How do I find out who unfriended me on Facebook?
Now, even though I've mentioned being unfriended, I'm not an authority on this subject.

I've only been unfriended a few times. (OK, more than a few.)

(It’s still too painful to think about.)

How can I find out who unfriended me?
You'll never know. Facebook doesn’t want you to know. It’s like asking your co-worker what his salary is. You can’t do it.

The good news is, you can take control of your friends list. Just quit Facebook. You'll never be unfriended again.

If you can’t quit Facebook, make a master list of all your friends. Maybe in an Excel spreadsheet, or write them down. Be sure to write down their personal emails.

Then if you are ever unfriended again, you can check your remaining Facebook friends against your master list. Who’s missing? That asshole who unfriended you. Email him. I know he'll be happy to hear from you.

Edited to add. You know I'm kidding, right? I wouldn't make a spreadsheet. And I'd never write down your personal email. That would be so creepy. C'mon. I'm better than that.


Claudya Martinez said...

I wouldn't want to know who unfriended me. My feelings are too easily hurt.

Casey Freeland said...

If someone unfriends me I think I probably deserved it in some way. If someone I know and like rubs me the wrong way for whatever reason, I will hide their posts for a couple of days, until I cool down. I hide all farmvilles, mafias, etc. etc, so I'm not bothered by those endless requests. That improves my personal facebook experience dramatically.

All that said, I don't remember unfriending anybody. Why would I? Almost all of them I know or knew in real life at some point. Those few who I've never met are part of a very small group I pick very carefully.

So I say again... if I get unfriended, I probably deserve it.

The thing that gets me is if I request someone and they turn me down. Ouch



ozma said...

Oh, the relief of quitting Facebook.

That unfriending thing. And so much more.

Facebook is blech.

Unknown said...

I used to wonder about that but not so much anymore. I took a break from Facebook over a year ago and deleted my account because I did not want the distraction.

The first week after I did that, I was inundated by people asking me why I unfriended them. I had not, of course. It was nothing against them. But people thought that I had singled them out. No one figured that it could be a personal decision that had nothing to do with them.

Ever since then, I have noticed my friends list on Facebook fluctuate. I have seen my number of friends friends drop down suddenly and then increase just as unexpectedly. And so I figure, it's for the best to just realize that people have their own stuff going on. Maybe they really are unfriending you, and maybe not. But jumping to conclusions is definitely not the best way to handle the situation.

From AA to NZ said...

I'm sure it's because I raised my eyebrows at them.

Emily Ratcliff said...

I was unfriended by someone I knew casually in high school. I noticed I was not seeing his updates, checked my list, and he was gone. Why, I thought. Why me? (Sniffle. Feelings hurt). But why did I care? I didn't even know him that well. What on earth is wrong with me? Well, several weeks later, he requested me as a friend again. I accepted. Who knows what occurred. I agree with Casey; it does hurt a bit when turned down. Oh, the self-esteem issues of fb.

CiCi said...

I am probably a fuddy duddy but I don't do facebook anymore. I tried it for awhile, it wasn't a challenge technologically and it wasn't a problem for me to use, but it just isn't something I need for me. I hear so many people talking about facebook but I don't have anything to add to the discussion. So I kept this comment very very short. Ha.

Stone Fox said...

i got un-friended a couple of weeks ago, coincidentally.

i am forced to chalk it up to a traumatic brain injury or recent drug addiction on the part of the friend who un-friended me. clearly, they aren't thinking straight.

EYE can make that! said...

I've been unfriended...but have never figured out who. If i was a close friend I'd notice so it doesn't bother me :)

The Mad Scorpion said...

I was unfriended once... It was jarring, but I got over it :)

As for the act of undriending, I too have been "guilty" of culling my list from time to time.

Occassionally I'll get a request from someone whose photos I can't see, so I'll accept them, check their photos, realise it's that dick from school that I haven't seen or heard from in 15 years or so who wasn't my friend then and isn't my friend now so then I ditch them faster than you can cringe.

But I have to admit, even THAT has come back to haunt me.
I got a request, denied it, they asked again eventually, denied it, they asked again, I accepted it so they would see that I have accepted them, and then culled them, and THEN a while later got requested again with a message saying "Gee, that's weird, I thought I was ALREADY friends with you! Silly Facebook must be messing up again!"
"Uuuuuh.... Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... Facebook errors... That MUST be it..."
Unfortunately I think I'm now stuck with them. And no, I don't CARE that they couldn't sleep last night because their baby kept them awake... Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh...

injaynesworld said...

I don't like to unfriend anyone unless they seriously piss me off like my God-daughter's ex talking trash about her. Asshole. But I do occasionally "Hide" people which means I can no longer see their thread. I don't know if they can still see mine though.

What a bizarre form of communication when you think about it.

sarah said...

LOL, I love this post!

I was unfriended during the election season by a close friend's boyfriend. He dropped me a message to let me know he'd unfriended me and berated me for being political on FB. (for what it's worth, I posted a video clip of Sarah Palin--that's not politics so much as comedy, I think.)

I've been unfriended beyond that, too, but can't figure out who it was--I figure if I can't figure it out, I'm not missing them that much & life just carries on.

Heather said...

I was delighed to find your blog after googling "How do I find out who unfriended me on Facebook?" Well, it happened to me today and it stings! I'm glad I'm not the only one out there.
I love your blog. My husband, also a writer lived in NZ for 20 years and we have been debating moving back to Auckland.Currently we're in New Orleans dealing with the environmental impact of the Deepwater Horizon catastrophe and sometimes the only thing that gets us through the bad news are all of the glorious memories of swimming in the crystal clear waters of the North Island.
You are a lucky girl.

Holli said...

I had one person who unfriended me show up in my suggested friends list. I thought it was a mistake so I sent a request which he turned down. ***tear***

Anonymous said...

I just had a friend (whom I thought was a really, really good friend) tell me in person that she had unfriended me on FB. Sadly, I didn't even know, since we had not communicated there, since we are in the same city. She gave me absolutely no reason for this and...(wait for it!) she CRIED talking about missing other friends while we had this whole conversation! UGH. How do you like being dumped as a friend and then have to put up with the DUMPER crying on you? In the end, I've been glad she unfriended me...she obviously was NO friend of MINE.

r.stewart said...

after seeing my list tick down a couple notches, i googled this question and randomly found your blog.

it would be interesting to be able to see, who unfriended you, both on fb and on myspace.

it seems that some of these wankers will unfriend you for no reason. i have to tread on eggshells with my posts to prevent it.

being a recording artist, i have to make sure i don't post anything music-related, as that will do it, (they see it is spam, i guess) or about my religion, (being mormon is unpopular) or politics (i am democrat and that rubs republicans the wrong way) etc.

on fb i don't play with apps and games, i do like to find people i was friends with or people who are prospective friends, however.

in friend-requests, i've been snubbed and ignored by people who i am friends with in real life or on other networks, many who i personally know, and had a good rapport with, and this, i cannot, for the life of me, figure why.

i've unfriended maybe two people (a romantic interest from a dating site who rejected me in a very mean email, and a famous recording artist who was my friend, but chose to turn on me with his big ego over some petty nonsense) and blocked a few others (some wankers who i knew in school who were not so nice to me)

but i never unfriend people willy-nilly for no reason, it is mean, and being mean is just not in my nature...and i generally accept all friend-requests.

Anonymous said...

well they actually recently added an app that tells you who unfriended you....but do to it just blowing up the server crashed....and currently tey are switching servers....it will be up and running in a few days
Its called "Who Unfriended Me"

kapoore said...

I came to this website for solace for I too have been unfriended. I am older and so I don't have a large list and notice when one goes down. I just ran through my list and figured it out right away. This is a person I see on a regular basis as we belong to the same hiking group. I'd noticed her occasionally make snide comments to me. I almost never put anything controversial on facebook--no politics, no business, no religion. However, I do press "like" and sometimes forward an interesting post....mistake. Facebook is definitely one of those places where less (a lot less) is more. Unfriended....I have to admit I'm hurt.

Lou Lou said...

I was blocked. Actually blocked because I contributed to a dog poop conversation. (all in silly fun) And, the person who did it writes crime fiction! I was so take aback by it. I thought, "it's okay to murder someone but not for a dog to poop!" Such is the weird world of FB. To me it is a microcosm of a lot of the passive/aggressive behavior going on out there. People will post some enticing little tidbit and then, when someone replies with a differing opinion, immediately unfriend them. And it doesn't take much. It's pretty crazy stuff sometimes. But, these un-actors and blocker bullies say something about themselves when they commit the drive by unings. It ain't nice or polite. Big surprise. Same stuff happened in high school only now the mean crowd is well into their 30 and 40's.