Instead of having this nervous breakdown, I was going to write a screenplay. Luckily, I realized that I don’t have the right connections in Hollywood to sell a screenplay. My ex, the con artist, and that girl I knew in high school? I'm clearly delusional.
And where on earth am I going with this blog? Recently, I was chatting with someone on IM who said blogging is like having penpals. When I was little, I had lots of penpals. (By the way, I’m still looking for my penpals on Facebook. Samantha? Britta? Where are you?)
This blog is like writing to ALL my penpals at once. It’s like a mass email to everyone that I have ever known in my life. Like a Christmas newsletter:
This blog’s title should be “Keeping up with Juli Ryan of Wellington Road”. I should get plastic surgery--move my muffin top to my ass. Keep teaching Five bad words. Dump Adam for an All Black. (The All Blacks are the NZ rugby team.)
2010 has been so awesome. Five started school. We are going on holiday somewhere, but we still need a warrant of fitness for the van. And I’m in denial about my Twitter addiction. Wishing you a happy rest of 2010!
I keep trying to exploit the crazy. But this blog isn’t anonymous, so I feel a bit shy. What if I get an e-mail from my mother? Or, what if someone in the village refers me to a therapist?
Don’t despair, reader. Eventually, I will find my way with this blog. And here are some great blogging tips that I have picked up along the way.
- On your blog, never compare people you know in real life to sheep. This is bad.
- Never beg readers to follow you. This is looked down on by hipster bloggers. Instead, have a giveaway. Or pimp your posts on Twitter. Apparently, this is OK.
- Your political views alienate at least 75 percent of your readers. Don’t discuss.
- Consider putting up a Donate button, so next year maybe you can afford to go to BlogHer.
- And don’t mock your husband on your blog. Be nice.
Edited to add. Uh, not everyone that I have ever known in my life reads my blog. Obviously.