Blog therapy.

Let’s chat. It’s funny (to me) that I used to work as a "graphic designer", and I still haven’t put a banner on my blog.

Me: I think I will work on a banner this weekend.

Adam: (sarcastic) Great.

My husband says I spend too much time on the internet. Apparently, all I want to do is talk to my “friends” online. He thinks the way to solve this problem (and all of the problems in our marriage) is for me to go back to work.

It’s nice he knows you are my friends. (It’s just like you are real people!)

But I do think my blogging “career” deserves a little more, I don’t know, respect.

I married my husband because I thought he was going to be supportive of my artistic endeavours. He is. He goes to work, and he does stuff around the house. And I am grateful. Really.

Adam: What about when you spent that whole month writing a novel? Did I once say it was stupid?

Me: No. But I don’t see what the big deal was. Usually, I was writing at night, after the child went to sleep. And it only took an hour a night.

So what if I want to fluff around all day on the internet? Writers need lots of time to think about nothing and fish for ideas. If I wasn’t obsessed with the internet, I would be reading books. Or writing in my journal.

And why isn't being a stay-at-home mum a worthwhile occupation? I am a feminist, but in our family, I want my husband to be the provider. (If it works the other way around for you, or if you both work, great! So many options!)

I want to be allowed to stay home for as long as I want. I'm willing to make economic sacrifices to do it. In fact, I should not have to go back to work (if I don’t want to). I’m grateful that I have the choice and right to work. But you know what? It’s a man’s world, and I’m tired of hitting my head on the glass ceiling.

There are many times when I should have stopped looking at Facebook, and played with Legos. But it's not my job (as a stay-at-home mum) to entertain Mr 4 every minute, or even all that much. (If you think providing entertainment all the time is right for you and your kids, it is cool with me, and I tip my hat to you.)

My writing has been a problem in every Relationship that I have ever had with a man. My men didn’t like what I was writing about, or they thought I was spending too much time on it. Or they thought I should be sharing it with people, or not sharing it with people. Clearly, I was not dating the right men.

Edited to add. I want to delete this post. Next time, I will write something funny.


Aliceson said...

I too spend way too much time wandering around on blogs and Facebook but it makes me feel good. I realized that while taking care of my family I also need to take care of ME. I don't spend a lot of money on myself so the Internet is my indulgence... and it bugs my husband.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

I spend too much time blog hopping and on Facebook too. I think it helps me stay sane while I stay home with my two kids.


Can't wait to see what you come up with for your header ! I think it's key to your blog and takes quite a bit of time to think up. Have a really creative weekend !

Niki said...

I agree with you. And I hope that your husband will be more supportive of your work (being a SAHM is work) and dreams.

Neil said...

I once read a scary but somewhat inspirational book called The War of Art, and the thesis was that those who were most likely to hold you back from creative endeavors were those closet to you, because they had the most to lose.

Unknown said...

I completely understand. My writing was a major problem between my ex and I.

Actually, Arthur C. Clarke was quoted as saying that writers should never get married since their spouses rarely understood that sitting and daydreaming was actually productive!

Chris Mancini said...

You've found someone that understands and that's fantastic and can be rare. Keep in mind that unless you're talking to another writer, no one REALLY understands. Realize that he's not being rude or antagonistic when he asks questions like "why are you writing all day?" Unless you have that drive inside you, it's hard to completely understand.

Avalon said...

If it help your argument - going out to work and getting a second income often means you end up with less money ;)

Strange but true - we found it out in our own lives - although I can earn good money as a pharmacist - we are better off if I dont (which menas i get to spend time on my blog!)

Madame DeFarge said...

I don't spend as much time as I would like on blogging, mostly because I have to study for accountancy exams. My husband feels somewhat neglected by both, but one is fun and the other a necessity.

V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios said...

Oh, don't get me started on this topic. One of my many issues with this topic is that I never question how my husband spends his time at the office or at home. It's just ASSUMED that because he goes to an office, he is doing Something Worthwhile and Important. If he spends ALL day on the computer, it's fine. If he stands in line for hours or sits around at an airport, it's all Important. And yet I have to justify my time, as if I'm an adolescent who stayed out past curfew and has some explaining to do. There is so much MORE I could say on this. I will only say, I hear you.

Unknown said...

hi Juli - just checked out your blog again - Megan told me how good it was! I have to agree - I don't think it is our job to "entertain" and constantly play with our kids. I'm now been at home for 3 mos and love being around for my kids and shaping their minds but I just cannot play all day ...